Story 1 – Street People 1 – Are You OK?

A new feature on The Irrationally Exuberant – Guaranteed 96% true short stories from the life of yours truly.  This first edition is a story about a time maybe ten years ago when I should have known I had a problem. This is the story of the time I found myself in front of the Fryin’ Pan at three in the morning, drunk, wearing a bloodstained suit and a backpack full of potatoes.  This is the story of the time a grizzled old hobo asked me if I was okay.

Episode 8: Heaven’s Gate

References and allusions include, but are not limited to:  The Hale Bopp Comet, Bonnie Lou Nettles, God, Marshall Applewhite, Jesus Christ, Nikes, California, Eddie Vedder, Christianity, UFOs, Revelations 11, “The Denial of Death” by Ernest Becker, suicide, Tupperware, vegetarian chili, healing crystals, Oregon, Walter Cronkite, cancer, Luciferians, David Koresh, The Starship Enterprise, Mexico, Sodom, Egypt, Bill Engvall, Fargo, Feminism, Breathe-Rite Strips, and bedazzling.

Episode 7: McDonaldland

References and allusions include, but are not limited to:  Valentine’s Day, The Ronald McDonald House, McDonald’s, Ronald McDonald, “Summer of Roses” by Willie Nelson, David Lynch, Egg McMuffin, Zune, Beijing, “Rock N Roll McDonalds” by Wesley Willis, Scotland, Robert the Bruce, Druids, the warlord Gillebride, Angus Og McDonald, The Knights Templar, Pope Clement V, the King of France, Satan, Pagans, The Illuminati, the New World Order, The Pantheon, The Luxor Temple, Freemasons, Ray Kroc, Mike Douglas, Baphomet, Cliven Bundy, chemtrails, Sarah Palin, AIDS, Space Pens, Willy Wonka, grimoires, magik, Willard Scott, Henry Kissinger, Heinz, Fruit of the Loom, Slinky, ouroboros, the All Seeing Eye, Liberals, Grimace, Hollywood, Shamrock Shakes, Uncle O’Grimacey, Mayor McCheese, Officer Big Mac, The Hamburglar, antisemitism, Goebbels, John F. Kennedy, The Professor, Captain Crook, Fry Guys, Anne Coulter, Dr. Drew, George W. Bush, The Fisher’s Island Golf Club, Skull and Bones, harakiri, Big League Chew, Raybans, and a SHOCKING TWIST!

Episode 6: Gravity House

References and allusions include, but are not limited to: Swing, hobos, Jim Crow, Herbert Hoover, The Great Depression, Rosa Parks, Harriet Tubman, Rose of Sharon, Prince, Okies, scurvy, Washington, California, Gold Hill, Oregon, The Vortex, Zune, tuberculosis, Sherlock Holmes, John Litster, Scotland, Pubetron Fergleven, San Quentin Penitentiary, Barstow, Emil Jannings, Tillamook Indians, Clarence Birdseye, Forteans, Edward Fort, Gravity Houses, Peter Venkman, Draculas, H.L. Menkin, Theodore Dryser, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Booth Tarkington, ectoplasm, the scientific method, cocaine, opium, syphilis, steampunk, the Victorian Era, Hoot Gibson, Bluto, Popeye, The Nobel Prize, Albert E. Page, Atlantis, plums, feta cheese, Post-grunge, Bird Flu, Duncan Sheik, mini vans, John Popper, Dharma and Greg, Ross Perot, Pearl Jam, The Wisconsin Dells, The Wonder Spot, Soul Asylum, Mt. Rushmore, geodes, Hutterites, Saver’s, Subway, Michael Jordan, Superman, and Chocolate Twizzlers.

Episode 5: The Caganer

References and allusions include, but are not limited to: Christmas, 9/11, George W. Bush, Chemtrails, Noam Chomsky, Jesus, Catalonia, Klaus Nomi, The Bible, King Herod, the Census of Quirinius, Christianity, The Virgin Mary, Jerry Lee Lewis, John the Baptist, Nazareth (town), Nazareth (band), Neptune, Lutheranism, A Charlie Brown Christmas, Blockbuster Video, Radio Shack, Bennigan’s, Where’s Waldo?, Martin Hanford, David Beckham, Barack Obama, G.G. Allin, Etsy, Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You”, WHAM!’s “Last Christmas”, Simon and Garfunkle, “Joy To the World”, Home Alone, Home Alone 2: Lost In New York, Charles Dickens, Chevy Chase, Bing Crosby, David Bowie, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, Die Hard, Frosty the Snowman, “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer”, Jingle All the Way, Tim Allen, Tastee Freeze, Fred Clause, Hungry Man Frozen Dinners, Britney Spears, “Chocolate Rain”, Canadian Mist, Schnapps, and Eddie Money.

Episode 4: Johnny Appleseed

References and allusions include, but are not limited to: The Old West, The Bible, Soren Kierkegaard, apples, Maine, New Hampshire, Manifest Destiny, Dracula, Disney, Massachusetts, Ohio, Emmanuel Swedenborg, Jesus, Yeti, Indiana, dysentery, Harper’s Weekly, Merry Melodies, Paul Bunyan, Pecos Bill, A-No. 1, Walt Whitman, Jack Kerouac, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Andrew Jackson, UPS Stores, Great Clips, Anytime Fitness, Blockbuster Video, Bigfoot, Transgender rights, cave paintings, the Apaloosa Tribe, and “Sometimes Love Just Ain’t Enough” by Patty Smyth and Don Henley.

Episode 3: Crows

References and allusions include, but are not limited to: The Beverly Hillbillies, ornithology,  The Crow, the Ojibwa, minstrelsy,  “His Eye Is On the Sparrow”, Juggs magazine, Central Park, ninjas, Reptilians, Father Time, Confucius, Stonehenge, ghosts, Homer (poet), the Trojan War, Aesop, John the Baptist, Ted Kaczynski, Christianity, Islam, B’hai, Mandaeism, Hollywood, Merlin (wizard), King Arthur, Vlad Dracula, Bram Stroker, Grigori Rasputin, Prince Felix Yussopov, St. Brendan, Psalms, Aztecs, racism, Tuna Helper, the National Football League, 7-eleven, El Caminos, drones, chemtrails, The MTV Music Video Awards, The Black Crows, The Counting Crows, H. Ross Perot, Mt. Rushmore, Y2K, the Millennium Bug, Britney Spears, Facebook, Google Earth, Vladimir Putin, Mormons, Social Security, Medicare, John F. Kennedy, Detroit, artisanal moccasins, the United Nations, Alec Baldwin, and The Garden of Eden.

Episode 2: Chris Gaines

References and allusions include, but are not limited to:  Bono, Elvis Presley, Frank Sinatra, Paul McCartney, Steve Erkel, Screech, Jim Morrison, Patrick Ewing, Buzz Aldrin, Verne Troyer,  Chris Gaines, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Bilbo Baggins, Tom Hanks, Rita Wilson, Scottie Pippen, Oprah Winfrey, Janet Reno, Emeril Lagasse, Steven Spielberg, coyotes, Garth Brooks, Saturday Night Live,  Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Clark Kent, Tony Clifton, Mrs. Doubtfire, Sasha Fierce, Lady Bugs Bunny, Stephan Erkel, Big Mama, Hannah Montana, Richard Bachman, Larry “Grandmama” Johnson, Larry the Cable Guy, Barak Obama, the New York Mets, the San Diego Padres, Kent Hrbek, the Philadelphia Phillies, the Kansas City Royals, VH1, Behind the Music, NBC, YouTube, the Billboard Top 200 Album Chart, Trisha Yearwood, Don Was, Kenneth “Babyface” Edmonds, Matchbox 20, Eagle Eye Cherry, Tom Robbins, Bryan Adams, Richard Marx, Don Henley, Toad the Wet Sprocket, Lite Rock 105, Ryan Adams, Stevie Wonder, Fleetwood Mac, The Beatles, “We Didn’t Start the Fire” by Billy Joel, “Get Together” by The Youngbloods, Kenny Chesney, Pornograffitti by Extreme,  Chris Angel, Pubetron Fergleven, Kentucky, Donald T***p, the KFC Yum! Center, AC/DC, Prince, “Friends In Low Places” by Garth Brooks, Rolling Stone, The Rolling Stones, Kanye West, Green Day, Michael Bolton, Western style shirts, Halloween, bolo ties, Randy Travis, cocaine, and Scrooge McDuck.

Episode 1: Flat Earth

References and allusions include, but are not limited to: God, Jesus, Mork and Mindy, NASA, Armageddon (movie), Aerosmith, American Idol, the United Nations, Freemasons, Bill Nye, Buzz Aldrin, Neil Degrasse Tyson, the New World Order, Satan, New York, Lutherans, Facebook, YouTube, PIZZA HUT, Disney, Metallica, Isaac Newton, “God Bless the U.S.A.”, Pokemon Go, Feminism, the Coriolis Effect, Admiral Byrd, Red Bull Stratos Felix, Apollo 8, Strawberry Kiwi Shasta, Carl Sagan, Albert Eistein, Apple, Reptilians, and Mole People.