Apparitions. Ghosts. Spooks. Haints. Whatever you want to call them, you haven’t seen spirits like this before.
Hello. I’m world renowned palm reader and séance professional Madame Esperanza Lechuga, owner of Madame Lechuga’s Celebrity Haunted Apartment, and boy, have we got dead celebrities. My place is lousy with ‘em.
If you’ve ever wanted to meet a famous person or see a ghost, Madame Lechuga’s Celebrity Haunted Apartment is the place for you.
I’ve conducted thousands of celebrity séances at my one bedroom apartment in Queens and sometimes the damn spirits just won’t leave. So, I figure, if I have to live with these paranormal vermon, why not make a few bucks?
You’ll meet the ghost of John Belushi, who won’t stop bitching about his brother Jim and the continued existence of The Blues Brother, hear the disembodied voice of Bing Crosby proposition you in the bathroom, marvel as Sammy Davis Junior constantly flicks the lights on and off in the living room, and much, much more.
Did you ever want to get up close and personal with Norman Rockwell? Well, he just stands in the doorway looking sad – you’ll walk right through him on the way in. Love sports and hate minorities? You and the spooky, staticy face of Ty Cobb in my television set will have a lot to talk about. Is cooking your thing? The essence of Julia Child is perpetually wailing and throwing food around the kitchen.
I’ve also got a possessed toaster oven that will sear the face of Jim Varney into your bread and a microwave that doesn’t work too well, which may or may not be the doing of former President Warren G. Harding.
So, come, let my waking nightmare be your dream come true, at Madame Lechuga’s Celebrity Haunted Apartment, where celebrities are doomed to spend eternity, but you can just visit.
A PODCAST, BUT ALSO ART.
