Howdy do, fellow duuuuuuuude!
You on druuuugs?
I know I am.
Are you tired of staring at the same old lava lamps and black light posters and other junk from Spencer’s while you’re on druuuuuugs?
Do those things no longer seem toooooootally trippy?
Well, maaan, have I got just the thing for you!
Hi, I’m Jim Krakowski!
Crow language educator, globe smasher, erotic author, and now, panderer to drug users!
Ha-ha!
If you crave new mass produced fake intellectual fake art to gaze upon, dead eyed and slack jawed, while you listen to terrible music, you need – NEED! – to come on down to Jim Krakowski’s House of Mass Produced Trippy Shit for Stoned Teenagers!
We’ve got it all!
Black light posters featuring new stoner favorites, like cats and whatever!
Lava lamps, but with a slightly different shape!
Incense burners made of clay crudely sculpted into something resembling the hideous noggin of David Matthews or whoever is his modern day equivalent!
Beads and junk!
Clothes with labels that say they are made with locally, organically sourced hemp but are probably some type of burlap!
Glass bongs so huge and elaborate that only Seth Rogan or a successful drug dealer can afford them!
Legal drugs that might make you feel like you might maybe feel a little weird somehow! In candy form!
You name it, we’ve got it!
So, shake the Utz potato chips crumbs out of your terrible beard and come on down to Jim Krakowski’s House of Mass Produced Trippy Shit for Stoned Teenagers, located in that building that used to be an ice cream place and then was a really sketchy looking daycare for a while before becoming a really sketchy looking car dealership and then was vacant for a decade and is now my store!
Come on! Up you go! You can do it, you lazy post-zelleniall, depression ravaged internet borg! Pornhub will still be there when you get back! Thaaaaat’s right, off your parents couch and right on over to Jim Krakowski’s House of Mass Produced Trippy Shit for Stoned Teenagers!
See you in a bit!